no one could ever look at me like you do, like im something worth holding on to...

"You look so defeated lying there in your new twin sized bed.
With a single pillow underneath your single head.
I guess you decided that that old queen was more space than you would need.
Now its in an alley behind your apartment, with a sign that says its free"

i don't think any words can sum up how i felt when i first moved back home, better than those words do. i no longer had use for a queen sized bed. and one pillow was all i needed, no longer two. and for a long time i hated that bed, i hated going to sleep. that bed was just a reminder of what i didn't have and that i was alone. for almost a month straight i cried every night, feeling so utterly alone and clutching my wicket that matt had given me.
my mom and i were listening to this song and i told her why i liked it and what the lyrics meant to me, she almost started crying and said that was the saddest thing she had ever heard. up until then, i don't think she realized how much being away from matt affected me, and it was at that moment i think she truly realized that i was incomplete without my other half.
it has been 6 months since i have not lived with matt.. and i am so happy it went as fast as it did. hopefully the next 6 months will fly by again. i will admit it is getting easier living without matt, but i still miss all of the little things that i took for granted when we did live together. my favorite is his tendency to take his clothes off and leave them where they lie. our hour long grocery
trips to buy food for the next two weeks. that was pretty much our favorite, going through every single aisle, getting treats and goodies. and the best part was going to bed, and lying there talking about our day for an hour, and laughing a lot. then rolling over and falling asleep in each others arms.
although living apart has definitely made us appreciate every moment we spend with each other. when my mom goes and spends the night at my grandmas, she always makes sure that matt can stay with me, so that im not alone. and the days cant go by fast enough when i know he is going to spend the night.
with that said, and another reference to the always amazing death cab for cutie, i truly feel that "no one could ever look at me like you do, like im something worth holding on to".


hopefully time will go by so fast, that before i know it, it will be time to marry matt, and we can officially start our life together....